Memories and connections

While I was in West Virginia visiting my family, my dad had me go through books that belonged to my Aunt Fran. She was quite a reader and left hundreds of books behind when she died. She had probably given away even more, supplying friends at work and probably some family members with reading material for countless years.

It was the same when I was growing up. I don't know how it started, but she must have noticed I liked to read. From then on, whenever I was at her house, she would give me dozens of books. Often she would just let me go through them and take what I liked.

It's funny how I had forgotten some of that.

Fran and I hadn't been close for a long time. It makes me sad to admit it. Gary and I moved to Georgia in 1993. I wasn't always around for family get togethers. She was a busy career woman. I was busy being a wife and working and then being a mom. We lost touch.

I heard about her life the same way she heard about mine --- through other family members. My grandma would tell me about her. My parents would let me know what was going on with her. Once in a while she'd answer the phone when I was calling my grandma. We'd catch up for a few minutes. A couple of times I sent her an email. That was really the extent of our adult relationship.

The distance --- both physical and emotional --- over the years made it easy for me to forget how very much alike we were. I usually heard from someone in my family when I went back home that I was "just like Fran." It bugged me. Fran was tough, sarcastic, sometimes hard to get along with. I wanted to be the saintly sort of wife and mother that everyone speaks about in angelic tones.

But Fran had a more complex personality than I gave her credit for. She wasn't just tough. She was also very kind. She wasn't just sarcastic. She was incredibly funny. She wasn't always hard to get along with. In fact, many, many people at her funeral talked about what a great friend she was. Loyal. Trustworthy. Giving.

Just a couple of weeks before she died, I was in her room. She was in a lot of pain, so I would try to distract her by talking. Sometimes I would just sit in the room with her. I said something to her about myself, something I never really talked about with other people and she said she was exactly the same way.

She died on January 3rd of this year and I have thought about that moment for months. It was a quick moment of connection, but it left me with a strong sense of family with regards to my aunt. I recognized something in her that was also a part of me and it made me know that we were, in many ways, cut from the same cloth.

In the past six months, I've often wished I could have known her more. I've wished I could go back in time and fight harder to have a friendship with her. I've wished I would have made more of an effort and I've wished she would have too.

I lost my grandma just a few weeks after my aunt died and I knew losing my grandma would be hard. Walking into my grandmother's house (where Fran also lived and where we went to go through Fran's books) and my grandma not being there just felt completely wrong. Looking at my grandma's things made me sad. I miss my grandma. I miss that relationship that I know will never be replaced or recovered.

Mourning Fran has been a different experience. I have so much regret associated with her passing. It feels like part of me that should have grown didn't grow. I feel like I missed out on knowing someone. Even though she had always been part of my life, I feel like I missed out on getting to truly know her. And I missed out on getting to know someone with whom I had so much in common.


Going through Fran's books was harder than I thought it would be. I kept many more than I intended to. Some, like her recipe books, I just had to take. I may never open them again, but I couldn't leave them behind. She had such a love and passion for cooking. I knew she held them in high regard.

One book I didn't hesitate to take was a copy of Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell. I have always loved the movie, even years before I moved to Georgia. In fact, I wrote a paper in college about Scarlett O'Hara! As soon as I saw the hardbound copy of the book tucked away in some of my aunt's things, I knew I was going to take it home.

I got it out tonight. It is the first time I've opened the huge tote of books in the 2 weeks I've been home from my trip to West Virginia. I turned to the first page and started reading.

I was surprised by the memory that came to me. This book used to be in my aunt's living room when she lived at Maxwell Hill, years before she moved in with my grandma. I had completely forgotten that. I remembered being at her house, sitting in her living room that she had decorated so nicely. She had worked hard for that home of her own and she was so very proud of it.

The book was on the coffee table. I had walked into the living room during a family get together at my aunt's. I was the only person in there. Everyone else was scattered throughout the house --- some in the dining room, some in the kitchen, others in the TV room. I clearly remember picking up the book, opening to the first chapter and starting to read it. I sat there for quite some time before one of my younger cousins distracted me. I remember putting the book down where my aunt kept it and going off to play.

I don't know why I had forgotten that, but it feels so great to remember it! Maybe the reason I love the movie is because of that early experience reading the book. Maybe my aunt loved the movie too. Maybe that's just another way that we are so alike.

It's true that I'll never get to know her the way I should have when she was living, but I'm so thankful for the moments of connection I can still have that make me realize we were family and much more similar than I could have imagined!

Back to normal

We're done with vacations, back to baseball, and have started school.

Summer may still be around on the calendar, but the summer attitude has left the building.

And that's kind of okay with me.

My sister blessed me with lots of homeschool materials from BJU and so far it's been going pretty well. I miss Abeka, just because I was so used to it, but my son wants to segue into the online classes at BJU in the next year or so. We need to get used to how they do things.

Things on my plate right now:

1) Getting back on my diet/exercise plan, which I have blown off for the past month. I had 3 visits to King Tut's Drive In during my 2 weeks in WV. A personal best (or worst!). And that wasn't the only bad food I ate! And, even though we were busy the whole time I was there, I didn't exercise as much as I had planned to.

2) Making sure we stay on track with school. We are most successful with homeschooling when we have structure and order. I crave chaos, ergo complications arise. I am determined to stay on top of it this year.

3) Husband is head coaching Evan's baseball team. I am the Team Mom. Lots of extras to do that I have never been responsible for before. It's fun. I've always liked being involved with baseball, but it's just a different avenue. I'm liking it so far.

4) Fighting with our water heater. Such is life. We always have some little aggravation to contend with. Dealing with a leak in the water heater right now. Hoping to get it replaced in the next 2 weeks.

5) I'm playing with the idea of going back to school to get my Masters of Arts in Teaching. I am both excited and terrified of the idea. Found a school nearby that offers it. It's 2 evenings a week. It's something I'm thinking about for next fall. There are tons of opportunities to teach in homeschool-y ways around here. Groups (not co-ops) that offer actual credit for homeschoolers in certain subjects. Plus I am surrounded by private Christian schools that need teachers. I love the idea for the future, so am considering it. It would take me 2 years to get the degree. Again, excited and terrified, so I'm not sure where I'll go with this.

That's it for the time being. I hope to be more prolific with this blog this fall!

The best laid plans . . .

Last Friday I had planned to take on the task of organizing our upcoming school year, but that didn't happen.

Instead I ended up going to the World Series in Jefferson, GA with my son and husband. They left Thursday morning, but I went Saturday afternoon. I'm so glad I did!

We all had a great time. The kids played hard. They didn't win, but they won some games and had fun. My son met kids from Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, and other parts of Georgia who all love playing baseball too. They traded pins, they participated in Opening Day ceremonies, they ate bad-for-you concession stand food, they swam in the hotel pool, and ran around the halls in the hotel more than they should have been allowed to. They asked the lady at the hotel desk to make chocolate chip cookies for them and she obliged every single night!

It must have been as close to paradise as you can get for an 11 year old boy!

It was kind of great for my husband and me too to see our son so happy and having so much fun. I'm glad I got the opportunity to go.

We got home Monday evening and the race is on to get everything in order to be ready for our trip to WV next Thursday.

But first --- I'm going to work on those school plans TODAY!

At least that's the plan for now. . .

My Friday plans

My husband and son just left about an hour ago to go to the Dizzy Dean World Series with my son's 11 year old All Star team. I'm not sure how long they'll be gone -- it'll depend on how many games the team wins -- but they'll be away at least 3 nights.

What on earth am I going to do with myself?

Cleaning is always an option. The house is in much better shape since we've had a break from baseball last weekend, but I could always find something to do like deep cleaning, decluttering, etc. So I plan to do a couple of little projects involving cleaning and decluttering.

Another thing I really need to do is work on our upcoming school year. I've been thinking about this a lot, so I was very excited to run across this post from Kris about having a Mom's Retreat.

Kris uses the time to get away from the house and make plans for her family's upcoming school year. I think this is a great idea, but I'm planning on doing this at home tomorrow. Because I'm a total geek, I'm really excited about it!

I don't always take enough time to plan ahead, think about where we want to go with our schooling for the year, or think through the things that are working well or not working at all. I need this time to focus and make some choices about curriculum for the upcoming year.

I can really see the benefit of getting away from the house to do this, but since my house is empty (except for me and our little pug, Smokey) I think sticking around here to plan out the details will work too.

I'll let you know how my Friday "at home" Retreat goes. I'm hoping to get some issues resolved for the upcoming school year so we can start off right.

I'm also checking out this post on planning tips by Kris. I'm getting some great inspiration from her blog!

Music at the Lake

My son and I went to Lake Allatoona this afternoon to soak up some sun. Wednesday is "free day" at the lake. You can park without paying the $5 parking fee. (By the way the fee used to be $3. They just raised it 2 months ago!)

It was a very busy day at the lake. People cooking out, playing at the beach, riding their jet skis, driving their boats. After we had been there about an hour a couple of guys pulled up, unpacked their car, started cooking out, and playing their stereo in their car for all around them to hear.

They actually weren't "blasting" their stereo. We could only hear it so clearly because they were just a couple of picnic tables away from us. Still it annoyed me. I never like to hear loud music being played. My husband even gets annoyed with me because I don't like it being played too loudly in the house, but people playing music outside really IRKS me and I'm not completely sure why.

I remember years ago being at Cranberry Glades with college friends and a college professor and his wife, with whom we were also friends. We did some walking and cooked out. One of the guys suggested pulling out his "boom box" and the professor said "I've never understood why people have to go out in nature and listen to music." So the boom box stayed in the car and I remember thinking I had found a kindred spirit in that loud music hating professor.

Our afternoon wasn't ruined because of the two guys playing music from their car, but it would have been a lot more peaceful if they had just brought their iPods!

Homeschoolers, you should fear me

I got a response from the email I sent to my state senator about a possible bill allowing homeschoolers to participate in public school sports. He was very receptive and said he and some other colleagues were drafting legislation in support of equal access and in support of homeschooling in general.

Very nice to know.

What's not nice to know is that, apparently, in my quest to help my son fulfill his goals, I will personally bring down homeschooling.

I apologize, in advance, for the disruption.

What bothers me about that article in Home Education Magazine is it's like that dude behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz.

"Pay no attention to the myriad of homeschooling laws your state has. Forget about the fact that your tax dollars support public education. Try not to remember that your child is subject to standardized testing. Forget all of that and believe it is the homeschooler whose child wants to play sports in public school that will put the final nail in the coffin."

I'm up to here with it. (I'm holding my hand way above my head -- fyi.)

I choose to face reality in this situation. The fact is we have a limited right to homeschool --- we don't have complete homeschooling freedom. We live in a country where the majority of children attend public school, therefore they have the most access to certain undeniable educational advantages. That's a hard truth, but it's still true.

I am willing to make sacrifices to homeschool. And, make no mistake about it, there are sacrifices involved. We spend money that public schoolers don't have to spend in order to educate our son. Plus we pay for other kids to be educated through tax dollars. I wanted to do a science unit study that involved a microscope, but couldn't because the microscope I wanted was so expensive, so we put it off for a while. My son wants to take a homeschool enrichment class in the fall and I'm not sure we're going to be able to afford it.

There are sacrifices.

There are also undeniable advantages to homeschooling. My son can pursue his interests. He loves to learn about World War II. We study a lot about it. He is good at math and I know he doesn't need to go over for the fourth time in a week how to cast out 9s, so we skip that. We are planning a Civil War study in the fall and we'll go to every Civil War cemetery, museum, and battlefield in our area (there are plenty in Georgia) to make that part of history come alive for him in a way it wouldn't if he spent the time just reading about it in a classroom.

Not to mention there is no doubt I have his best interests at heart. I can guarantee he will get what he needs, because I'm willing to fight for it.

So, I get it. I'm on board. I love homeschooling. I'm proud to talk about the great things about homeschooling, but I'm honest enough to admit some things bug me about homeschooling.

Why can't I be sad that my sports loving son won't have access to a competitive sports program if things are not changed? Why can't it bother me that he can only receive the Hope scholarship retroactively if he maintains a good grade in his first year of college? Why can't I worry just a bit about the cost of his college education when he doesn't have access to all of the scholarships that are available to public schoolers?

I belong to two local homeschooling message boards and haven't mentioned my email to my state senator on either of them. Want to know why? I would be blasted for doing it. "We are fine homeschooling and we don't want our freedom taken away because your child wants to play sports."

Fine.

Just stay behind your curtain. I'll stand there with you.

"Don't think about the four homeschooling families I personally know whose kids now go to public school just so they can have access to the sports programs."

It's hot behind this curtain. I don't think I can stay here much longer.

I immediately regretted hitting the send button

I found out a week or so ago that my homeschooled son is not allowed to participate in sports through his local school district. He loves sports. We've always paid for sports programs for him, but some things we can't provide. Like access to a huge baseball, basketball, or football program.

I have mixed feelings about this issue. The thoughts that fly through my head while thinking about this include:

1. We have the right to homeschool.
2. We incur extra expenses to homeschool because we buy our own materials.
3. We still have to pay taxes to our local school district. We don't have the choice to stop that.
4. My son is heading into the sixth grade. The baseball program he is in will only last a few more years.
5. My son loves sports and playing on a team.
6. The homeschool options for teams are not convenient for us.
7. My son has said multiple times that he wants to keep homeschooling through high school (We've told him if he decides he wants to do something besides homeschooling, we are willing to consider it.).
8. It bugs me that we don't even have the option of considering school sports. How can they make us pay for something we don't use then not allow us to use the portion we choose to use?

It makes my head spin.

I read that 24 states allow homeschoolers equal access and that Alabama and Louisiana are considering measures to allow homeschoolers access to public school sports. Armed with that information, I chose to email my state senator to see if any legislation like that is being talked about in Georgia.

So, I sent the email and immediately wished I hadn't sent it because I can only anticipate two responses:

1. "Thanks for your email, but we are not currently considering any legislation regarding this issue."

2. "Thanks for your email, but if you want your son to participate in public school sports, you should enroll your son in public school."

That's it. Those are the only two things I can imagine hearing back from my state senator.

Of course, 24 other states have successfully passed laws regarding this issue, so I'm not sure why I feel so negative about it. Maybe something good will happen.

I'll keep you posted.