A friendly letter to my Senator

Dear Saxby Chambliss,

Now that the election is FINALLY over and now that you have FINALLY been re-elected after the Dec. 2nd run-off election, I feel like I can tell you some things.

#1 - All the phone calls that I have been getting for the past four weeks from you, the Republican Party, and other Republican muckety mucks have been really annoying. Most have been recordings, but some have been real live people. I felt bad about hanging up on them. Truthfully, I just stopped answering the phone whenever my caller ID read VA or DC or GOP. I'm sorry about that, but I had to take a stand against it. We've been averaging a couple of calls a day from you guys. Of course, that strategy came back to bite me on Tuesday (the day of the run-off election) when I got a call from Sarah Palin. I didn't answer the call because I looked at the caller ID. So I missed her call. I did keep her message though. I just like to listen to it sometimes.

#2 - My mailbox has been over-run with tons of mailings from you too. I'm glad it's over now. Please don't even send me a Christmas card this year. We need some distance for a while.

#3 - I voted for you four years ago and I *would* have voted for you this past Tuesday, but I didn't vote. Now, don't get upset. It wasn't a passive-aggressive thing because of the phone calls and mailings. We had a stomach bug going around our house. Frankly, I didn't think it was a good idea to risk a trip in the car to my polling place. I'm sorry about that. But you had a decided victory, so let's just move on.

#4 - Okay. Don't get upset, but your last TV commercial with your family before the campaign was a little unsettling. Your lovely wife, Julianne, was with you. I love her name, by the way. If I had a little girl, I would definitely consider naming her Julianne. It's maybe the most beautiful name I have ever heard. But, I digress. Your ad with your cute little grandchildren...why do they call you Big Daddy? Is it a Southern thing? If so, that's fine and all, but sometimes I still hear their angelic voices saying "Vote for our Big Daddy." That's just creepy. Can they call you Grandpa or something in the next ad? Is that okay?

I'm glad I've gotten all this off my chest. It makes me feel better. I'm glad you won the election. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I know you'll do your best for our country. Tell your wife I love her name. Tell your grandkids they are precious. (I called my grandpa "Pop" and my other grandpa "Pepaw". I'm just saying.)

Oh, and could you ask Sarah Palin to call me again? Have her call from an Alaska number, so I know it's her, and I will answer the phone. I think she and I could be friends. I would love to visit Alaska. I could babysit her kids. I've never eaten moose before.

Okay. Bye.